The Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed Rum
by Bellini Girl
Summary: Jack Sparrow enlists Will Turner, Elizabeth and a crowd of complete strangers to track down the rum!
1. When there's nothing else to do

Jack Sparrow And The Search For The  
  
Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed  
  
Rum  
  
1  
  
"Will?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm bored!"  
  
"I know, Jack! You've told me already. Thirteen times. If you do it again, I may have to kill you."  
  
"But I ammmmm....."  
  
"I know!"  
  
"We haven't had a decent adventure for months....."  
  
"We just came back from defeating Barbossa and rescuing Elizabeth yesterday!"  
  
"But I'm borrrrrred........"  
  
"I know! But you can't just go looking for adventure. It has to find you."  
  
Jack muttered sulkily. Suddenly his eyes lit up.  
  
"Look mate, I've got an idea. Can I borrow Elizabeth?"  
  
"What? Why? I already told you, she doesn't want to go back to that island with you so that you can try your luck again!"  
  
"No, not that, mate. I just want to leave her alone in Tortuga town centre for a little while."  
  
"Why in God's name would you want to do that?"  
  
"Because if we do, someone's sure to kidnap her and then we can have an adventure!"  
  
"No! You cannot intentionally leave my fiancée to be kidnapped!"  
  
"Well, if you're going to get all sensitive about it......"  
  
"Why would you even ask me?"  
  
"Come on, we'd get her back, and then you could play the hero and impress her, and I know how much you enjoy doing that."  
  
Will looked thoughtful. "So all we have to do is leave her behind, then we get to go on an adventure, and-"  
  
"And you get to storm in and save your bonny lass! What do you say?"  
  
"OK," said Will.  
  
"Great! Go get her, and we can go!"  
  
"OK, OK, calm down! Hey! Elizabeth!" shouted Will.  
  
Elizabeth leant out over her balcony. "What?"  
  
"We're going out shopping! Want to come with?"  
  
"Always!" shouted Elizabeth, running inside. Seconds later she emerged from the front door, grinning widely. "So what are we going to buy?"  
  
"Errrrm......" Will looked at Jack, who shrugged. "We'll see when we get there."  
  
"Oh, OK, because I saw a dress in a shop window that I thought would look nice on me...."  
  
Will rolled his eyes at Jack and let her prattle on.  
  
"....And there were matching shoes and a matching bag......"  
  
"How long till we get there?" asked Jack desperately.  
  
"Too long," muttered Will.  
  
".....And you could buy pearl necklaces and bracelets in exactly the same shade of pink as the fabric!" she finished breathlessly.  
  
"How much?" asked Will with some trepidation.  
  
"Well, it's a little expensive, but I can get a pretty good deal...."  
  
"How much?"  
  
"200 gold pieces."  
  
Will's mouth fell open. "That's more than Jack spends on rum in a year!"  
  
"Really? A year?"  
  
"Well, you know....a year, a week, they're pretty much the same-"  
  
"You see! It's not that expensive!"  
  
"-But my pay is only two gold pieces a day! If I'm lucky!"  
  
"I know, but our joint account is full of cash-"  
  
"-Which we're saving up to buy a house!"  
  
"Oh, we can stay in my dad's mansion for a while. He's got to die someday."  
  
"We're here!" said Jack. "Now, m'dear, if you'll just sit on this bench for a few minutes until we come back-"  
  
"Why? Where are you going?"  
  
"To buy you presents. Now, wait here and we'll be right back."  
  
Jack winked very obviously at Will and they walked off around the corner, leaving Elizabeth slouched on the bench.  
  
"Now we wait," said Jack, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "Has she gone yet?"  
  
Will peered around the corner and at the bench. Elizabeth was eating peanuts and spitting the shells at passing pigeons. "Nope."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"I'll tell you when she's gone!"  
  
Jack sighed and twirled his moustache. "I'm going to the pub, mate. Want to come with?"  
  
"Yeah, OK." They wandered off to the pub, talking about what would happen on their next adventure.  
  
Two hours later they sauntered back around the corner, fully expecting Elizabeth to have gone.  
  
Only she hadn't.  
  
"What the hell are you still doing here?" asked Jack incredulously.  
  
"Where would I have gone?" asked Elizabeth impatiently. "Will you buy me the dress now?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, OK," said Will resignedly. "Take me to the shop." 


	2. A new adventure

Jack Sparrow And The Search For The Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed  
Rum  
  
2  
  
Later that evening they were sitting in the pub drinking and gossiping. Will was still in a cold sweat from spending the entire contents of his life savings on a dress, and Jack was declaring his supremacy over all to the pub.  
  
"Sho, you see," he slurred, "I'm better than all you shlobs! I carried out the most daring raid ever! On pirates! With gunsh and knivesh and shuch, you know? Bow down before me, for I am your king!"  
  
He waved his hat in the air with a flourish. Someone threw a tankard at him.  
  
"Oh, OH, I SEE! SHMART GUY, HUH?" Jack seized the tankard and threw it back at his assailant, before lunging at him. Will had to forcibly restrain him.  
  
"Leave it, leave it," hissed Will.  
  
There was a snort from behind the bar. "You cannot call yourself the greatest pirate of all until you have drunk from.....The Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed Rum!"  
  
"Rum, did you say?" asked Jack enthusiastically, instantaneously forgetting his desire to kill the guy who threw the tankard. "I'll have some of that! Bring it on!"  
  
The landlord laughed. "The only place you can get The Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed Rum is from.....The Big Blue Bejewelled Band of Cursed Pirates!"  
  
"Not more cursed pirates," whined Elizabeth. "How many can there be in the Caribbean?"  
  
"Where are they?"  
  
"No-one knows. They sail the seas in.....The Big Blue Bejewelled Boat of Cursed Sailors!"  
  
"Why are they all big, blue and bejewelled?" asked Elizabeth.  
  
"Their old leader collected sapphires," said the landlord. "When the new  
guy took over, he didn't know what to do with all of them. So he stuck them to the boat, the rum bottle, the sailors...... everywhere!"  
  
"Wow," said Will.  
  
"And on top of the mast is mounted the world's only blue diamond! It is called The Heart Of The Ocean, and is a stone so beautiful anyone who sees it but cannot have it will go mad with envy!"  
  
"Will, I want that diamond on my engagement ring!" said Elizabeth decisively.  
  
"And I want to drink from the Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed Rum!" shouted Jack.  
  
"And I want to go with you!" shouted a dark-haired boy from across the bar.  
  
Everyone turned and looked at him.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" asked Jack.  
  
"Mike," replied the boy. "And this is my dog Parker."  
  
A mangy brown mongrel looked at them tiredly from beneath the table and grunted in recognition.  
  
"Oh, let him come with us!" pleaded Elizabeth, eyeing Mike's muscles and square jaw.  
  
"Well, we do need a new crew....." mused Jack.  
  
"Not as much as we need a new boat," said Will.  
  
"Well, we'll deal with that once the crew's all sorted," said Jack defensively. "You're hired!" he said to Mike.  
  
"Yay!" cheered Elizabeth.  
  
"Your first job......put up these posters round the town advertising for a crew," said Jack handing over a sheaf of posters.  
  
"OK," said Mike, striding off out the door with Parker at his heels.  
  
"My, that's a cute butt," muttered Elizabeth to herself.  
  
"What?" asked Will jealously.  
  
"Nothing, nothing," said Elizabeth quickly.  
  
"Maties, we've found an adventure!" cheered Jack. 


	3. Interviewing new crewmembers

Jack Sparrow And The Search For The  
  
Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed  
  
Rum  
  
3  
  
"Right, who's our first applicant?" asked Will.  
  
"A girl named Amber," said Mike, consulting his list.  
  
"Bring her in!" shouted Jack, thumping his rum bottle on the table.  
  
The door swung open and a tall blonde girl bounded in.  
  
"Oh my God, you look so much like Bambi!" she squealed at Jack. "That is SO your new nickname!"  
  
"I thought I told you to screen out the psychos," Jack muttered at Will, blushing furiously.  
  
"I did," said Will defensively.  
  
"Who did you reject?" asked Jack incredulously.  
  
"The psychos," said Will.  
  
"What did you think she was?" hissed Jack.  
  
Amber cleared her throat.  
  
"So, what's your name?" Jack asked Amber.  
  
"Amber, you idiot," said Will, elbowing Jack. "Mike just said it!"  
  
"Be nice to Bambi," said Amber reproachfully, glaring at Will.  
  
Elizabeth snorted with laughter.  
  
"How old are you, Amber?" asked Jack quickly, turning from red to purple.  
  
"Eighteen," replied Amber, sitting down on one of the various sofas around the room and putting her feet up. She pulled out a copy of Cosmo and started flicking through it.  
  
"I like her," said Elizabeth.  
  
"Me too," said Will. "You're hired!"  
  
"Great!" said Amber.  
  
"Oh noooooo," muttered Jack.  
  
"Who's next?" asked Will.  
  
"Another girl called Henny," said Mike.  
  
"What kind of name is Henny?" asked Elizabeth disparagingly.  
  
Will didn't say anything. Once the bitch was out, it was wise to say nothing until it went back in again.  
  
"Hi, I'm Henny," said a red-haired girl as she glided through the door. "Who are you guys?"  
  
"I'm Amber, and this is Will, Elizabeth, Mike and Bambi," said Amber.  
  
"It's Jack," said Jack through gritted teeth.  
  
Henny wasn't listening. Neither was Mike. They had their eyes fixed on each other and their mouths hanging slightly open. You could practically hear the cheesy romantic music in the background.  
  
"Hi," breathed Henny.  
  
"Hi," gasped Mike. Suddenly they threw themselves at each other and started making out on the spot.  
  
"I like her," said Jack, no doubt hoping that he would elicit the same response once he had shed the nickname of 'Bambi' which, let's face it, was hardly an aphrodisiac.  
  
"I don't," said Elizabeth petulantly.  
  
"You're hired!" said Will.  
  
Henny gave them the thumbs up and went to sit down on one of the sofas. Mike returned to his seat with the selection panel.  
  
"Who's next?" asked Jack, winking at Henny, who ignored him.  
  
"Just a minute," said Mike, straightening his clothes and smoothing down his hair. "The next applicant is another girl named Anne."  
  
"Another girl?" moaned Elizabeth. "Where are all the gorgeous young men?"  
  
"Don't think we'll be getting many of those," said Mike.  
  
"Why? Jack? What did you put on the posters?" asked Elizabeth suspiciously.  
  
Jack became very interested in a small mole on the back of his hand.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Here," said Mike, handing her a poster.  
  
Elizabeth's eyes widened as she read it. "Female crewmates required. Non- smokers, non-ugly. Girlfriends, wives or teetotallers need not apply. Jack!" she shouted angrily.  
  
"What?" asked Jack defensively.  
  
"Errm, can I come in yet?" asked a small voice from outside the door.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, OK," said Will.  
  
The door swung open and a petite black-haired girl sprang in clutching a sketchbook and box of pencils. "Hi, I'm Anne," she said breathlessly. "I just graduated from art school. I'm pleased to meet you." She sat down on the nearest sofa, flipped open her sketchbook and started drawing rapidly.  
  
"So......Anne......how old are you?" asked Jack.  
  
"21," replied Anne, not looking up from her drawing.  
  
"You're hired!" said Mike.  
  
"Great," said Anne, still focused on the sketchbook.  
  
"Why do you want to join our ship?" asked Elizabeth.  
  
"I figure it would give me loads more stuff to draw. Plus I like boats. All done!" Anne held up her notebook. Drawn in pencil was a perfect image of Jack, right down to the last bead.  
  
"Wow, Bambi, that is so you!" exclaimed Amber.  
  
"Bambi?" said Anne questioningly.  
  
"That's his name," explained Amber.  
  
"No it isn't! My name is Jack!" yelled Jack desperately.  
  
"Yeah, like, am I too, like, late for that whole, like, crew thing?" A girl with bleached blonde hair, several earrings and a large wad of bubblegum leant round the door.  
  
"No. Who are you?" asked Mike, consulting his list.  
  
"Izzy," said the girl, blowing a large bubble.  
  
"I don't seem to have you on my list," said Mike.  
  
"Yeah, like, about that, I was, like, going to, like, apply, only I, like, didn't," she drawled, examining her mascara-laden eyelashes with a mirror.  
  
"Oh, well, that's OK," said Mike slowly. "Why do you want to join our crew?"  
  
"Whoa, like, the posters didn't, like, say anything about, like, an exam," she said.  
  
"It's not, but we like to ask," said Will.  
  
"Oh, you mean, like, psychometric, like, testing? Whoa, that was, like, four syllables!" she exclaimed, looking proud of herself.  
  
Elizabeth raised her eyebrows at Will.  
  
"Yeah, so, like, can I, like, join you guys?" she asked.  
  
"Well........yeah, OK," said Will hesitantly.  
  
"Wow, like, rad," she said.  
  
"Rad?" said Elizabeth questioningly.  
  
"Yeah, rad, cool, like, great," explained Izzy inarticulately, flopping down on the sofa next to Anne. 


	4. More interviews

Jack Sparrow And The Search For The  
  
Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed  
  
Rum  
  
4  
  
"Who's left to come?" asked Elizabeth.  
  
"Three girls called Beebee and Feefee and Geegee," said Mike slowly, examining his list.  
  
Elizabeth gasped. "Not THE Beebee, Feefee and Geegee?" she asked quickly.  
  
"Who are The Beebee, Feefee and Geegee?" asked Will nervously. Jack shrugged.  
  
Suddenly the room was filled with excited squeals.  
  
"Leelee!" Three girls dressed entirely in high fashion, heavily manicured and pedicured and dripping with diamonds burst through the doors laden down with shopping bags, shrieking at the top of their lungs.  
  
Parker whined.  
  
"Beebee, Feefee, Geegee, darlings!" shrieked Elizabeth.  
  
All the girls shrieked and hugged each other. Parker whined again and buried his nose under the edge of the carpet, then put his paws over his ears.  
  
"Wow.....Beebee, Feefee and Geegee, the one and only unholy trinity," muttered Mike.  
  
"So last we heard you were going to get married....where is the lucky guy?" said Beebee excitedly.  
  
Elizabeth pointed at Will. Beebee, Feefee and Geegee shrieked and flapped their hands excitedly at Will, then rushed at him. Will promptly fell backwards off his chair trying to avoid the flailing hands.  
  
"Wow! I wouldn't have thought the Commodore would look so young!" exclaimed Feefee.  
  
"Or so handsome!" shrieked Geegee.  
  
"Or so much like the blacksmith's apprentice!" giggled Beebee.  
  
There was a silence.  
  
"Erm...he is the blacksmith's apprentice," said Elizabeth.  
  
"But Leelee.....I thought you were going to marry the Commodore," said Beebee eventually.  
  
"Did he dump you?" asked Geegee sympathetically.  
  
"That bastard!" shrieked Feefee.  
  
"Poor Leelee," said Beebee consolingly.  
  
"No, no, it's good!" said Elizabeth encouragingly. "I dumped him because I wanted to marry Will instead!"  
  
There was another long silence.  
  
"Why?" asked Geegee.  
  
"Well, because I loved him," said Elizabeth.  
  
"But he's a blacksmith!" protested Feefee.  
  
"I'm a pirate!" insisted Will.  
  
"Yeah, honey, keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better," said Elizabeth.  
  
"Right, yeah, let me, like, see if I've, like, got this straight," drawled Izzy. "She, like, chose to marry, like, Mr Gorgeous over there over, like, a really old guy, you know, and, like, you're ribbing her about it?"  
  
"Yeah," said Beebee.  
  
"When you put it like that, it does sound kind of silly," conceded Geegee.  
  
"Thank you," said Elizabeth appreciatively.  
  
Suddenly the door swung open again and a tall slim girl strutted in. She had long blonde hair down to her waist and a beautiful dress. She was holding a tiny, baby-pink mobile phone up to one ear with a perfectly manicured hand. Her fingernails resembled highly polished talons.  
  
"So, yars, yars.....So I said, I know it's expensive, Daddy, but that dress is simply exquisite.....yars.......yars, I so agree....." she said into her phone in a plummy voice.  
  
"Can we help you?" enquired Mike.  
  
"What? Oh, I don't know......some common person......yars, isn't it just dreadful?"  
  
"Excuse us, but can we help you?" repeated Mike frostily.  
  
"Oh, got to go, Tabitha....yars....we'll talk about the wedding later......let's have lunch! Yars....yars.....bye, dahling." She flipped the phone shut and smiled widely at the group, flashing neon-white teeth.  
  
Elizabeth gasped, then glared. "Hello, Madeline," she said frostily.  
  
Madeline tossed her head. "Elizabeth."  
  
"What brings you here?" said Elizabeth coolly.  
  
"I wanted to meet your new fiancé. It's simply wonderful that you chose to dump the Commodore, though. So where is he?"  
  
"The Commodore? Probably off sulking somewhere," said Jack.  
  
Madeline rolled her eyes. "I meant her new fiancé, idiot."  
  
"Be nice to Bambi," said Anne, Hetty and Amber.  
  
"Bambi?" said Madeline. "Wasn't that the co-dependent little deer?"  
  
"That's, like, his name," explained Izzy.  
  
"No it isn't!" shrieked Jack, tearing out clumps of hair.  
  
"So," said Madeline, giving Jack a strange look, "where is your new fiancé?"  
  
Elizabeth pointed at Will, who cowered beneath the table for fear of being charged at again.  
  
"Oh, isn't he just charming? And it's so uncanny how he looks just like the blacksmith's apprentice!" Madeleine cooed with a sugary smile.  
  
Will crouched even further beneath the table. He recognised that look Elizabeth did whenever she wished she could forget decorum and politeness and just kill someone. He also knew that when that look surfaced, someone was going to suffer, and it was usually him.  
  
"He is the blacksmith's apprentice," growled Elizabeth through gritted teeth.  
  
"Oh, really? Well isn't that just sweet," said Madeline smugly. She very deliberately tipped her clutch bag upside down so that a single envelope fell out. "Oh, silly me!" she giggled, "what's this I've dropped? Oh, I remember, it's an invitation to me and the Commodore's wedding!"  
  
Elizabeth gasped and Will braced himself. He didn't like the sound of this.  
  
"You're....you're marrying the Commodore?" she gasped.  
  
"Well, you can't expect him to be depressed over you for the rest of his life," said Madeline.  
  
"I only dumped him two days ago!" shrieked Elizabeth.  
  
"So? He came in search of greener pastures. Hey, check out the ring." Madeline held out her hand so that Elizabeth could see the single pink diamond mounted on the platinum ring.  
  
Elizabeth mouthed noiselessly. "That's.....but that's....."  
  
"One of the twelve Pink Pretty Stones of Desire? I know," said Madeline smugly. "The Commodore got it just for me."  
  
Elizabeth tried to think of a reply. Suddenly her eyes lit up.  
  
"Who cares about some poxy Pink Pretty Stone Of Desire?" she said sarcastically. "Will's going to get me The Heart Of The Ocean for my ring."  
  
Will started up. This did not sound good. "Errr....Elizabeth, about that..."  
  
"I know that you love me darling, but sometimes it would be better if you kept your mouth shut rather than keep telling me so," said Elizabeth sweetly but pointedly.  
  
"Isn't there only one of those?" asked Madeline sceptically.  
  
"Yes, but Will's going to get it for me. Aren't you, darling?" she said, stamping on his hand with her stiletto.  
  
Never had the word 'darling' carried so much menace.  
  
"Ow! Yes, dear," said Will reluctantly.  
  
"Isn't it guarded by cursed pirates?" asked Madeline.  
  
"Yes, but that won't stop him, will it, darling?" said Elizabeth threateningly.  
  
"No darling," said Will, defeated.  
  
"So, you see, I don't really need a Pink Pretty Stone of Desire," said Elizabeth smugly.  
  
Madeline looked more than slightly pissed off.  
  
"So, did you want to join our ship?" said Mike, trying to fill the silence.  
  
"No. I have a wedding to plan!" said Madeline haughtily. "See you round, Elizabeth." She swept out of the room.  
  
Elizabeth cheered and jumped up and down. "Yes! I won, I won!" she shrieked. "She'll never try to put me down again!"  
  
"That's great!" said Will enthusiastically. "So I don't need to get you The Heart Of The Ocean after all!"  
  
Elizabeth stopped dancing around the room and looked at him incredulously. Will felt a feeling of dread settle in his stomach.  
  
"Do I?" he asked timidly.  
  
"Of course you do! I have to be able to show it off in front of her, don't I?" said Elizabeth.  
  
"Do you?" asked Will desperately.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"OK then," said Will reluctantly.  
  
"That it then? No-one else coming?" asked Jack.  
  
"Nope," said Mike.  
  
"All right, me hearties, to the pub for a celebratory drink!" cheered Jack.  
  
"Yay, go Bambi!" shrieked Geegee.  
  
Jack rolled his eyes and let it pass. 


	5. The truth comes out

Jack Sparrow And The Search For The  
  
Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed  
  
Rum  
  
5  
  
Two hours later, the drinks were flowing freely and Amber had initiated a game of Truth or Dare.  
  
"OK, I pick.....Bambi! Truth or Dare?" she giggled, knocking back another glass of rum.  
  
"Erm - Truth!" said Jack.  
  
"Tell us what really happened when you dressed up as a Church of England cleric!" said Elizabeth.  
  
"Oh, now that's a story and a half!" Jack declared.  
  
"Tell it! Tell it! Tell it!" chanted Beebee, Feefee and Geegee.  
  
"Well, OK. One day me and my mate William were walking through Tortuga, right, when we saw a Customs officer who'd tried to arrest us the previous week for smuggling rum. So he spotted us and started yelling, and we ducked into the nearest door before reinforcements showed up. Well, this building we'd hidden in only turned out to be a church, didn't it? There we were, surrounded by all these old men in capes, when one of them asked if we were the new vicars! What was I supposed to say?"  
  
"No?" suggested Will.  
  
"Of course we said yes! The cops were out after us! Well, they gave us our cloaks and bibles and such, and we were going to own up, but then they showed us where the communion wine was stored!"  
  
"Ah," said Elizabeth, comprehension dawning.  
  
"So we set up a little racket, importing - by which I mean smuggling - dirt cheap red wine from abroad, and pocketing the cash we had left over from the church funds! We made a mint! But even that got boring after a while, plus the parishioners were reporting side effects from the cheap wine."  
  
"Such as what?" inquired Anne.  
  
"Temporary blindness, stomach cramps, nausea, headaches....you know, the works," said Jack.  
  
"Like, ewwww....." said Izzy.  
  
"So, we were going to quit while we were winning, but then the Swedish choirgirls arrived......."  
  
"You didn't?" asked Elizabeth.  
  
"We did. We were the talk of the town for months. But then the other priests found out."  
  
"And they ratted on you?"  
  
"No, they wanted a piece of it too! That's when we quit. Well, actually, we filled the vestry with ducks first. Then when one of the other priests opened the door to get the communion stuff during the service, hundreds of ducks flew out and colonised the church. Anyway, that's when they guessed we weren't real vicars and set the police on us," he concluded.  
  
"Wow. That's some story," said Hetty.  
  
"All right. Bambi, you pick someone," said Amber.  
  
"OK.........Hetty, truth or dare?"  
  
"Err....dare!"  
  
"I dare you to kiss that guy over there!"  
  
Hetty looked at the person they were pointing at. "Isn't that a woman?"  
  
Amber looked. "Yes, it is!"  
  
Jack looked more closely. "No, it's definitely a man!"  
  
"Definitely!" agreed Will.  
  
"It's a woman!"  
  
"It's a man!"  
  
"A woman!"  
  
"Man!"  
  
"Woman!"  
  
"Man!"  
  
"Woman!"  
  
"There's only one way to find out!" declared Jack. "Oi! You!"  
  
The person of questionable gender turned around.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Are you a man or a woman?"  
  
"A woman."  
  
"Thanks! OK, consider that dare cancelled," said Jack.  
  
"I dare you to make out with Bambi!" declared Amber.  
  
"I wholeheartedly back this experiment," said Jack.  
  
Hetty shrugged. "OK." She leapt on Jack.  
  
Everyone cheered as they finally broke apart.  
  
"Wow. Impressive," said Mike.  
  
"I'll say," said Jack, looking dazed.  
  
"Wouldn't mind a go myself," said Mike.  
  
"Oh, you would, would you?" They looked at each other before giggling and running out of the room hand in hand.  
  
"In their absence, I nominate Will. Truth or dare, mate?" said Jack.  
  
"Truth!" said Will.  
  
"What's your most embarrassing memory?" asked Beebee.  
  
"Erm.....well.....It has to be the time Elizabeth and me were staying at the Hotel Tortue in Barbados," said Will.  
  
Feefee gasped. "Not the time you-"  
  
Will nodded. "Yes, that time."  
  
"The time you what? THE TIME YOU WHAT??" asked Jack, wild with anticipation.  
  
"Well, we went to this hotel about a month ago, with Elizabeth's father and Mr Brown," began Will.  
  
"And the main thing that sold it to us was the amazing underwater restaurant. It had a glass ceiling so you could see the fish swimming and everything," said Elizabeth.  
  
"So, we went to the beach, went swimming, went for drinks at the bar and did all the normal things you do on holiday," continued Will.  
  
"But with me sharing with my dad, and Will sharing with Mr Brown, there wasn't much time for 'us'," said Elizabeth.  
  
"So on the third night we crept down to the beach with several bottles of rum to try to re-enact the time she was stranded on the beach with Jack," said Will.  
  
"Ahhh," said Jack contemplatively.  
  
"And we drank rather too much, and decided to go skinny-dipping, and then one thing led to another...." Elizabeth trailed off.  
  
"So the next day when we got out of bed, we were feeling really smug about our secret meeting," continued Will.  
  
"Until we got downstairs for breakfast, and discovered that the spot we had chosen for our rendezvous was directly above the glass-roofed restaurant - a detail we had overlooked at the time - and that our secret liaison had in fact been given marks out of ten by the entire resort," finished Elizabeth, blushing scarlet.  
  
"Will, mate, you should have told me you were going on holiday!" said Jack. "I would have loved to go with you!"  
  
"I wonder why," said Anne sarcastically.  
  
Suddenly Elizabeth noticed that every man in the room was watching her extremely carefully.  
  
"Will, I think that we told the story a little loudly," she hissed.  
  
"Maybe we should cut the evening short," suggested Will.  
  
"I second that," said Elizabeth, flipping off a man who had winked at her.  
  
Everyone went up to bed except Jack, who kept on boozing well into the early hours. 


	6. Author callout

Calling all fans! I've written another instalment to 'The Nightclub Revisited:10 years later' and it is posted under the name ' Neo'-I just felt like a change of image. It's called 'The Nightclub' and look out for any new sequels to this, coming soon! I've also written 'The Big Blue Bejewelled Bottle Of Cursed Rum'-a Pirates Of The Caribbean story- and 'A Tale Of Chin Wombats and Men In Tights'- a Ned Kelly story-under my current penname Bellini Girl. Please r+r! 


	7. Commandeering a Boat

The next morning everyone was sitting downstairs in the breakfast room when Jack came in.  
  
"Hey Bambi!" squealed Amber.  
  
Jack went bright red as the entire room sniggered. "Ssssh!" he hissed. Amber ignored him.  
  
"So, where are we going today? Are we going to go on an adventure?" she asked impatiently.  
  
"Sort of. Today we commandeer the boat."  
  
"Ooooh! Commandeering! Fun!" squealed Henny.  
  
All the other customers in the room left quickly, making a mental note to leave the port before Jack arrived.  
  
"Keep it down! And anyway, we need to have breakfast first. Can't go commandeering on an empty stomach!"  
  
"Can I get you anything?" asked the landlord.  
  
"Egg and rum," said Jack.  
  
Amber squirmed impatiently.  
  
"Damn sausage!" Elizabeth suddenly shrieked, attempting to spear it with her fork. She missed and continued chasing it round the plate. "Stay STILL!"  
  
The sausage stubbornly refused to allow her to eat it and Elizabeth threw her plate across the room in a fit of temper.  
  
"Whoa, what's up with you this morning?" asked Will nervously. Even Elizabeth wasn't normally this irritable.  
  
"I'm fine....it's just......the Commodore just WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
Will recoiled from this outburst. "What do you mean?"  
  
"He's stalking me!" sobbed Elizabeth.  
  
"Oh, I was wondering what he was doing out there," said Jack nonchalantly, wolfing down his eggs.  
  
Everyone turned slowly and nervously to look. The Commodore was standing outside with his nose pressed against the window, grinning in at them. He waved when he saw them looking at him.  
  
Elizabeth screamed. "For God's sake, just piss off!" she shrieked. "You've kept me awake all night, just go home!"  
  
The Commodore just grinned more widely.  
  
"How did he keep you awake all night, Leelee?" asked Feefee.  
  
"He kept phoning me and singing that pirate song down the phone before hanging up!"  
  
"What pirate song?" asked Henny.  
  
"You know, 'we pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! We kidnap and pillage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.' Didn't you ever hear that when you were younger?"  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Oh, I used to LOVE it! It was my favourite song. In fact, I was singing it when I first met Will!"  
  
"Aaaaahhh," sighed the girls.  
  
"That's so sweet!" said Henny.  
  
"Love at first sight, eh darling?" said Elizabeth.  
  
"No," said Will.  
  
"What? It WASN'T LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?" shrieked Elizabeth.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why the hell not?"  
  
"I was unconscious!" protested Will.  
  
"Well, when you woke up, was it love at first sight?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What? Why? What did I ever do to you?"  
  
"Well, there were the wedgies, the Chinese burns, the Indian burns, the ice- in-the-bottom-of-the-bed trick, the prodding, the teasing, the itching- powder-in-the-boxers gag, the name-calling, the time you shaved off my eyebrows when I was asleep, the time you stole my medallion-"  
  
"I gave that back!" protested Elizabeth.  
  
"Yeah, eight years too late!"  
  
"Will you quit going on about that?"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"I'll make you!"  
  
"Oh yeah, how?"  
  
"Like this!" She pounced on him and started slapping him.  
  
"Ladies, ladies!" yelled Jack. "Not in front of company!" He pointed to the Commodore, who was watching their fight avidly. They reluctantly stopped wrestling and sat down again.  
  
"Git," hissed Elizabeth.  
  
"Bitch," hissed Will.  
  
"Stop it!" yelled Jack.  
  
"So, where are we going today?" asked Anne, trying to break the silence.  
  
"The docks, to commandeer a boat," said Jack. "As a matter of fact, we should probably get going."  
  
"Yay! Go Bambi!" cheered Amber. "Actually, I just want to nip into town quickly so I'll meet you there, OK?"  
  
"OK," said Jack.  
  
"All right, there's our first target," said Jack, pointing to a medium- sized boat moored about ten feet away. "Now, there's safety in numbers, so you guys come with me and watch the master at work. Savvy?"  
  
"We savvy!" squealed all the girls. Jack winced.  
  
"Please don't do that again," he begged, before striding onto the ship with everyone in tow.  
  
"Right, maties, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow and I be commandeering this boat," he said melodramatically to the small group of sailors on deck.  
  
One sailor looked up and snorted. "Look, bog off, mate, we don't have time for the loonies today. Come back tomorrow."  
  
"I am not a loony," said Jack angrily, drawing his sword. "I'm black- hearted, ruthless, unmerciful, macho, tough-"  
  
"-Hey Bambi!" squealed Amber, strolling up the gangplank. Jack buried his head in his hands. This was bad. All the sailors were smiling and trying not to laugh instead of cowering in fear! This could not get any worse.  
  
"Anyway, Bambi, I had a great time in town, and I bought you some socks so that your little toes don't get cold!"  
  
Actually, thought Jack, as the sailors dissolved into fits of helpless laughter, it could. And it had. He looked at what she was holding out.  
  
"Donald duck socks?" he asked weakly.  
  
"Yeah, well, I knew you already had the Mickey Mouse ones, so I figured you could wear Donald and Donald, or Mickey and Mickey, or you could mix and match, mouse and duck!"  
  
"Great," said Jack unenthusiastically. What was he talking about? Things were now an awful lot worse.  
  
"Go away, Bambi, we've got work to be getting on with!" gasped one sailor eventually. Jack ran off the ship, trying to hide his red face.  
  
"All right, change of plan," he said once they had regrouped on the jetty. "Will, you go and have a go at commandeering a ship. I'll wait here with everyone else. Amber, never call me Bambi in public again. Ever!"  
  
"OK," said Will.  
  
"OK, Bambi," said Amber.  
  
"Right. Everyone except Will down to the beach!" called Jack.  
  
Five minutes later the girls were sunbathing, Mike and Parker were paddling and Jack was constructing an elaborate sandcastle. Elizabeth, who had exceptional hearing, was conducting a running commentary on Will's first attempt to commandeer a ship solo.  
  
"He's saying that they should leave the ship and allow him to steal it," she said, cupping a hand around her ear.  
  
"Oooh, what's their answer?" asked Amber eagerly.  
  
"They're laughing and asking if he's the eunuch blacksmith," said Elizabeth.  
  
"That's not good," said Mike.  
  
"I'll say," commented Henny.  
  
"Now he's telling them that unless they give the ship to him, he'll throw them all overboard," continued Elizabeth.  
  
"What do they think of that?" asked Anne.  
  
"They're still laughing," said Elizabeth wearily.  
  
There was suddenly the sound of girlish screams coming from the boat.  
  
"What happened, what happened?" asked Beebee.  
  
"They gave the command to 'release the hounds' because he called them drunken old gits," said Elizabeth.  
  
"Like, ouch," said Izzy. Everyone craned to look in the direction of the screams. Will came into view, sprinting over the sand and constantly craning his neck to check on the horde of snapping rottweilers at his heels.  
  
"Run, Will, run!" yelled Elizabeth.  
  
"Hey, Will, check out my fortress!" said Jack proudly, oblivious to the cause of the commotion.  
  
"Now they're laughing and saying that if he isn't already a eunuch then he will be when the dogs have finished with him," said Elizabeth.  
  
"Ouch," said Mike, wincing.  
  
"Hey mate, look!" insisted Jack, pointing very obviously at his castle as Will came closer.  
  
Will didn't look. He did, however, run straight over the top of the sandcastle, completely levelling it, closely followed by the rottweilers.  
  
"Big bullies!" yelled Jack tearfully, trying to salvage all parts of the castle that were still remotely identifiable. He heaved a large clod of sand in Will's direction, before taking off after him.  
  
"Go and help him!" shrieked Beebee.  
  
"Oh, for goodness sake," said Elizabeth impatiently. "I'll do it."  
  
She hitched up her skirts and sprinted down the beach after Will and the dogs. Within seconds she had rugby tackled two of the rottweilers and muzzled them with hair ribbons, and thrown the other two into the sea.  
  
Will, however, was still running.  
  
"Why is he still running if the rottweilers have gone?" asked Henny. Suddenly Jack came into sight. He was running after Will waving his boot.  
  
"Big bully!" he yelled, hurling the boot at him. It struck him hard on the back of his head.  
  
"Ow!" yelped Will.  
  
"More where that came from!" shrieked Jack, pulling off his hat and throwing it at him. It landed on Will's head, then slipped down to cover his eyes.  
  
"I can't see!" screeched Will, running around in circles. Suddenly he ran smack into Jack, and the two fell on the ground, arms and legs akimbo.  
  
"Owwww......" muttered Jack.  
  
"Call it quits?" Will asked, his voice muffled by the fact that he had landed with his face directly under Jack's leg.  
  
"Deal," muttered Jack, standing up. Elizabeth ran over and pulled Will to his feet.  
  
"There you go, wuss," she said disparagingly to Will as they trekked back towards the group.  
  
"Right, mates, let's have another go at commandeering a ship, shall we?" said Jack sarcastically, giving Will an evil look. "Seeing as nancy boy here has let us down again."  
  
"That wasn't my fault," protested Will.  
  
"Sure it was," said Elizabeth.  
  
"Hey, guys, look!" Mike was standing beside an enormous galleon.  
  
"What is it, mate?" asked Jack.  
  
"There's no-one on this boat! It's completely empty!" said Mike.  
  
"Wow! Talk about good luck!" said Jack. "All right, everyone on!"  
  
Everybody rushed onto the boat. They raised anchor and sailed quickly out of the port. Once at sea, Jack was struck by a sudden thought.  
  
"Hey, what's the name of this thing?" he asked.  
  
Everyone shrugged.  
  
"You can't sail a ship without knowing the name of it!! It's bad luck!" said Jack. "Someone's going to have to risk life and limb to dangle over the back of the ship and have a look."  
  
Everyone looked at each other.  
  
"Now, how did I know that I would have to do it?" asked Will sarcastically as he was lowered over the back of the ship.  
  
"What does it say?" asked Jack.  
  
"It says......Dauntless!" said Will.  
  
"Dauntless? But then...." Everyone turned to see the Commodore staggering up from below decks. This was not good. 


End file.
